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SickSongs

by Ngajuana

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1.
Whose Face Is This? 03:47
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Every day I, see someone I don’t recognize, Nose looks familiar and the eyes look, weaponized, How many mirrors have I looked in? Searching my own face, For clues to my history and still I got no trace, And still I got no place, still, spinning around, Still got too many problems, I’m still pinning ‘em down, That’s what’s up; I’ll be the first to tell you I fucked up, I’m fucked up, can’t escape my life and it’s just nuts, It just sucks, me against the world, so it’s fuck trust, Back to my, back to the bricks, what I tuck tucked, Please, keep the tsk tsk’s, down to a minimum, Cause shit gets wild in this town that I’m living in, Plus got this rage, just leaps off the page, Just eats at my sanity and peaks as I age, Every single time I peek at my face, I gotta think, I dunno why this is something I gotta ink. Whose face is this? I think I’ll never know, Whose face it is and it’ll never show, How much that hurts you and it hurts you, When the person who birthed you, deserts you, Whose face is this, I think I’ll never know, Whose face it is and it’ll never show, How much that hurts and I can’t let it go, Just can’t let it go.... It’s like a piece of me is missing, more like a blank spot, Heart on my sleeve, turned the shirt to a tank top, Used to pray to God when my problems got too deep, Subdued me, now I put pen to the loose-leaf, This ain’t a diss, to the people that caught me, Or a scathing indictment of the people that dropped me, Just is what it is, what it is, what is it though? Difficult, wonder who coulda predicted this result, Salt mine to fault line, call it the great divide, Fault might be all mines - making me ache inside, Living at a standstill, it’s too much to take in stride, Life said “fuck you” I’m trying not to take it dry, So I fight back, when I write raps, Trying to give my kid’s lives what my life lacks, And in the process get my life back, yeah I like that, Be the light that beat the night back. Whose face is this? I think I’ll never know, Whose face it is and it’ll never show, How much that hurts you and it hurts you, When the person who birthed you, deserts you, Whose face is this, I think I’ll never know, Whose face it is and it’ll never show, How much that hurts and I can’t let it go, Just can’t let it go.... I don’t regret it; I wouldn’t be the man that I am, Despite our troubles, I got nothing but love for my fam, It’s just subtle, pulling at the back of my mind, Sometimes I stare at my reflection, just passing the time, Thinking whose face is this and whose traits? And you wonder this and you wait, And no answers come and they never will, It makes your whole soul cold, you’re forever chilled, I used to think that it was just me, fuck me, But that was just me, really I was lucky, Hindsight’s 20/20, try to understand, That the first thing I learned was that anyone could just leave, And in their mind, do so justly, And think it’s fine, no it’s not, trust me, Cause now, every time I see a middle-aged, Black woman, the sheer volume of thoughts, crushes me. Whose face is this? I think I’ll never know, Whose face it is and it’ll never show, How much that hurts you and it hurts you, When the person who birthed you, deserts you, Whose face is this, I think I’ll never know, Whose face it is and it’ll never show, How much that hurts and I can’t let it go, Just can’t let it go....
2.
Ghosts of A Ghost Town 02:31
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Uh, I've seen things, I've done things, dumb things, Wife just left, now the only ring gun rings, Some things are just too much, Killed a whole town once, came through and fucked shit up, I mean, orders are what orders are, Sorta scarred, came home to some sorta star, Sorta starved, now, see it in my neck and pecs, But that don't worry me, what worry me got me obsessed, There was a room I never checked, check is this thing on? That shit been nagging me, dragging me down, persisting on, Put down the pencils, I stenciled it out, the noose is drawn, I'm just a nuisance, I knew since, my new sin, loosing bombs, Duty got me doing wrongs, wrong in my fucking brain, Fuck insane, but I'm not really fuckin' sane, shame, Had some promise, but it's down the drain, I'm drained, the downers, keep me washed, though, keep down the pain, pain. Uh, gather round, lift your cups, to the war party, No gangstas here, Corleone's or Gottis, Cause bullets make us die the same, Bullets, bullets, bullets, make, all our mothers cry the same, I'm just saying.. Swinging from the noose, roof creaking as I contemplate, Responsive still, guess I need to concentrate, Trying to die or reach at least catatonic state, Married to the void, under-joyed, til we consummate, Uh, Until then, I'm haunted, so I commentate, Slimmer every day, slowly simmer, like a consommé, Skipped breakfast, missed lunch, uh, sinner is served, Bone thin, getting thinner, cause my innards disturbed, - Just one survivor's a catastrophe, Deeds done dastardly, can cause a mind to atrophy, Ghosts of a ghost town, gross, even grosser up close, Dead postman and grocers and hopes, Cops, even kids, even hospitals, no more, Casualties of no war, try to wrap your head around it, Picture five miles of track, now wrap the dead around it, 5 times, no way you can tread around it, food for thought.
3.
Can't Come Down (Ft. Ladyface & Madhattr) 03:30
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(Bridge) We don’t, bother nobody; we don’t, bother nobody We don’t, bother nobody; we don’t, bother nobody We don’t, bother nobody; we don’t, bother nobody We don’t, bother nobody; we don’t, bother nobody (Chorus) [Ft. LadyFace] We just chill; we just smoke, And though the battle been uphill, we up still, So high we can’t come down, We can’t, we can’t come down, Just too fly, the dope’s too pure, Got the crowd Od’ing on the showroom floor, whoa-whoa… We sayin’, we can’t come down, We can’t, we can’t come down (Madhattr Verse) -I wonder how high is too high? And did we reach those crazy heights from being too fly? I think we might’ve broken the mold while we sittin back, And flipped the track way out to orbit never comin' back, So now we soarin through the void - slightly annoyed, Trying to avoid destruction and all these ass-teroid obstructions, Wondering when we be home, rezoned from these clones, That never measure up, so they be low and and re-grow, At too fast a rate to be people, tryin' to leave enough standing up for the sequel, Just a couple good guys out to crush evol, I swear to myself that the default is peaceful, Tryin to be a good man and carry the weight, All while we elevate past the goals that we make, Over piled my plate, tryin to decimate these trials of fate, If you tryin to catch me down you can line up and wait. (Chorus) [Ft. LadyFace] We just chill; we just smoke, And though the battle been uphill, we up still, So high we can’t come down, We can’t, we can’t come down, Just too fly, the dope’s too pure, Got the crowd Od’ing on the showroom floor, whoa-whoa… We sayin’, we can’t come down, We can’t, we can’t come down (Ngajuana Verse) I’m sitting in my cliff-top spit shop, Mind on, hip-hop, workhorse, clip-clop, crowd like shit’s hot, Spit shines, spit-shines hip-hop, it’s mine, Hattr’s got his watch out, it’s stopped, it’s time, Alice reference, I’m the def-est, y’all are just a deficit, I deprecate, then defecate, then rinse and then I replicate, My weapons wait for no man, I’m probably a problem, Anomaly, the reason all your posse playing possum, I’m an asshole, but impossibly I’m awesome, I will match you on a session, if you brought some, (smoke) Only measure from the sky up, the distance from me to space, Left Earth without a trace, looked down, like what a waste, Sparse beauty, turned the place nasty, a trash heap, I ain’t coming back, cue the sunset and back-beat, Soft-skinned, buckets and the breeze got me ashy, No come down, no burnout, got drive but I’m past sleep. (Chorus) [Ft. LadyFace] We just chill; we just smoke, And though the battle been uphill, we up still, So high we can’t come down, We can’t, we can’t come down, Just too fly, the dope’s too pure, Got the crowd Od’ing on the showroom floor, whoa-whoa… We sayin’, we can’t come down, We can’t, we can’t come down (Bridge) [Ft. LadyFace] We don’t, bother nobody; we don’t, bother nobody We don’t, bother nobody; we don’t, bother nobody We don’t, bother nobody; we don’t, bother nobody We don’t, bother nobody; we don’t, bother nobody(X2)
4.
Cry Me An Ocean (Ft. Ladyface & Moongaze) 03:18
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I need to get as far possible away from you, I’m talking county, continent, at least a lake or two, Because you played games with my heart, my devotion, I’m buying me a boat, could you cry me an ocean? Ocean, Ocean, cry me an ocean, A river isn’t wide enough, cry me an ocean, Ocean, Ocean, cry me an ocean, A river isn’t wide enough, cry me an ocean. I think I coulda loved you in another life, But we’re so alike; I can’t stand you, not even for another night, Opposites attract – and this is why we always fight, This is why we always scrapped, fucking right I fucked you right, You want it remembered? Well you remember it then, Cause I wanna dismember it, think it never again, Need to do what I gotta do, lose any thought of you, Erase all your beautiful with booze by the bottleful, You wish I’d coddle you, not gonna happen, Cause I usually could throttle you, but truthfully can’t follow through, Swallow after swallow til your memory fades, But still your memory stays, inside me everyday, I can’t escape it, it’s like I like it more the more I hate it, All my feelings for you alien as those who board on spaceships, I’d die to call you Fake bitch, all up in your face, bitch, So - close - to - your - tears – falling - I can taste it. I need to get as far possible away from you, I’m talking county, continent, at least a lake or two, Because you played games with my heart, my devotion, I’m buying me a boat, could you cry me an ocean? Ocean, Ocean, cry me an ocean, A river isn’t wide enough, cry me an ocean, Ocean, Ocean, cry me an ocean, A river isn’t wide enough, cry me an ocean. Everything has changed; it can never be the same, Ship has sailed, train hit the rails and you have missed your plane, Sick of the game, oh so simple and plain, You played apple of my eye I played second plantain, pain, I can feel it; I’ll define it as the years pass, And you’ll forget til you’re reminded when your tears splash, I see em pooled up, bout to stream at last, Trying to cry a river, but a river isn’t that vast, So you tried to make me sea, but that was half-assed, Cry me an ocean and I’ll sail around at half mast, Mourning what we coulda been, what we’ll never be, Blame free, he blames her and her blames he, me, And around and around we go, and around and around we go, Where we stop? I’m confounded, I just don’t know, You’re on the ground screaming just don’t go, baby just don’t go. I need to get as far possible away from you, I’m talking county, continent, at least a lake or two, Because you played games with my heart, my devotion, I’m buying me a boat, could you cry me an ocean? Ocean, Ocean, cry me an ocean, A river isn’t wide enough, cry me an ocean, Ocean, Ocean, cry me an ocean, A river isn’t wide enough, cry me an ocean.
5.
Omni-Sexual (Ft. Moongaze) 03:40
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Truth is: never really cared about much, I guess I never really dared give a fuck, I’m Omni-sexual, attitude is fuck it all, Omni-sexual, I don’t give a fuck at all. They say that I’m cold and I’m heartless, I just view the world through the eyes of an artist, Staring at the Sun, seeing darkness, Call it a gift; I’m saying fuck all that exists. I never liked the living, most things are better when they die, So I kill beats and carry round “Catcher in the Rye”, Sick pup, right? Nuts, like, crushed, diced, Plus a mite, uptight, spend my days hating being upright, Middle finger up, like, fuck life, Josh Wolfe, Here with a jaw full of hot quotes and pot smoke, Thoughts broke, always been an odd bloke, Talk coke, wrestling my mind, off the top rope, finish him, Never gave a fuck, probably never will, Thing about gassing up on hatred: you’re never filled, Cold, like, every family pet that I ever killed, Resume took more than a day, had to let it build, ill, The hate is strong in me, I don’t know why, Or what the fuck is wrong with me; I’m such an angry guy, Something must have broken in me; I don’t think I need it fixed, It’s all about perspective, where you see a flaw I see a gift - and the honest... Truth is: never really cared about much, I guess I never really dared give a fuck, I’m Omni-sexual, attitude is fuck it all, Omni-sexual, I don’t give a fuck at all. They say that I’m cold and I’m heartless, I just view the world through the eyes of an artist, Staring at the Sun, seeing darkness, Call it a gift; I’m saying fuck all that exists. Now, I don’t see the bright side of much, Maybe even nothing, it’s like everything I touch just breaks, Fuck sakes, thought chronic would have fixed my mix-ups, But just when I start to breathe easy, hiccups. By design been the finest in the crowd, but I’m fucked, Even pawned the silver lining in the cloud, So the stars could be aligning, I’d complain about the shining, Then complain that I’m complaining, cause I’m whining too loud, I’m sick of people saying I’m next up, I tried to draw my last breath, too bad my sketch sucked, The legend lives, imagine me without my sedatives Take a pic of me; you’ll only see me in the negatives, That’s not light at the end of the tunnel, but just to mock you, There probably is a dude with a flashlight, who’s lost, too, From the deepest, darkest depths of my brain to yours, Omni-sexual, a slut, but my aim's to whore, I figure if you're gonna do it, get paid for it, Get money, all the money that you prayed for, Buy every single thing that you saved for, 'Til you're slayed for, everything you slaved for. Uh, I guess the point's lost on me, Life's just a bag of shit, call it a colostomy, Fuck it all, I don't give a fuck at all, Omni-sexual, hitting buckets 'til I kick the bucket, y'all. Truth is: never really cared about much, I guess I never really dared give a fuck, I’m Omni-sexual, attitude is fuck it all, Omni-sexual, I don’t give a fuck at all. They say that I’m cold and I’m heartless, I just view the world through the eyes of an artist, Staring at the Sun, seeing darkness, Call it a gift; I’m saying fuck all that exists.
6.
Long Time 03:53
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You cannot console me, please don’t even try to, I been kicked and pissed on, disrespected, lied to, Care I been too high to, play my pain on itunes, Pour a glass of homicide, this some shit to die to. Cause I ain’t felt a thing in a long time, No, I ain’t felt a thing in a long time, I ain’t felt a thing in a long time, No, I ain’t felt a thing in a long time I don’t really like much, lots more that I hate, World upon my shoulders, - planets worth in weight, But I don’t feel the pressure, forever been the case, I don’t even do drugs and I can’t feel my face, I don’t even feel God, I ain’t feeling faith, Took a shot of whiskey, holy water chase. Driving through a crosswalk, and I don’t own a car, Can’t remember how we got here, but baby here we are I ain’t felt a thing in a long time, No, I ain’t felt a thing in a long time, I ain’t felt a thing in a long time, No, I ain’t felt a thing in a long time, I don’t really like much, lots less that I love, Killing raps a long time, hands don’t fit the gloves, We could burn it down now, party in the ash, Dance among the rubble, burn the money in the trash, Pour a glass of homicide; drink a glass of death, I think I’m prolly gone inside, I’m only blood and breath, Driving down the sidewalk, and I don’t own a car, Can’t remember how we got here, but baby here we are I ain’t felt a thing in a long time, No, I ain’t felt a thing in a long time, I ain’t felt a thing in a long time, No, I ain’t felt a thing in a long time, I don’t really like much; don’t got much to live for, Wake up every morning thinking what did I have kids for? Got five, almost had like six more, Person I’m a piss poor, get sore, couldn’t give a shit more, Apathy the path for me, unenthusiastically, You asking me, everything I ever spit a masterpiece, Driving through a festival and I don’t own a car, Can’t remember how we got here, but baby here we are I ain’t felt a thing in a long time, No, I ain’t felt a thing in a long time, I ain’t felt a thing in a long time, No, I ain’t felt a thing in a long time,

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Dreamsters Union Presents: SickSongs, by Madhattr & Ngajuana, Featuring Ladyface and Moongaze

Album art: Oh KG

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released June 1, 2018

Production mic-ing it/Mixing: Madhattr (A. Tanton), Fresh Kils (A. Kilgour), Word Salad (K. DeVos).

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Ngajuana London, Ontario

A product of London, Ontario, Ngajuana stays active in the Canadian Hip-Hop scene. Ngajuana is a proud founding member of the Canadian collective Dreamsters Union. Boasting nearly 600 songs, 6 albums (and counting), 200 shows and multiple awards won, consistency is no surprise; it's to be expected. ... more

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